Ms. Darby

Ever since I’ve moved to the land of outlet malls (well disguised outlet malls, thankfully), I find myself especially drawn to the Banana Republic outlet.

This may not be odd to most, but I never quite found myself to fit the “B.R.” demographic. Ever since I realized I was never gonna take that African Safari and make like Meryl Streep in Out of Africa back in 8th Grade, the “B.R.” dream of wearing khaki short suits fell by the wayside.

The original draw was that this place has really GREAT deals, and clothes that, mostly, fit me well. Add to that the fact that my black and more funky clothes never quite worked within the Southern environment (not the only thing that doesn’t work, but I digress…), and I found myself more and more drawn to “B.R.” to fulfill my functional, mostly business, fashion needs.

Now that I work from home and don’t find much need for business casual clothes, I still find my car heading straight to the local Banana Republic. I have also found that some of the things I think are FANTASTIC for the brief moment while I’m in the store turn out to lack that luster once I get them home. But this week, I experienced an epiphany to explain my (unknown) initial draw to the place.

The epiphany is this, dear friends. The music. EVERY time I am in there, I am groovin’ on the tunes. I sing, hum, and even sometimes semi-groove – publicly – to the music that is played. EVERY TIME. Of course, this is where I fit the demographic. Which seems a tad disconnected to the clothes, I might add, but I think I realized that I subconsciously go there for the music. Because in the last 4 visits, I have purchased nothing, but not been disappointed in the least by not finding anything.

Instead, I have come away, almost gleefully, not even realizing why until the other day. When I was all, like, what is this song? I know this song? But it’s not the song I think it is. But it is. All this within the first 5 notes…and it is a remake of one of my favorite Ryan Adams songs, called Amy. And I have discovered Mark Ronson in the process, which I am quite thankful for. This is an incredibly beautiful song, originally, and this remake takes it to a different level. I would put the MP3 here for your listening pleasure, but it is SO INVOLVED (especially since I only have the MP4 version, etc., etc….)

Go get it. It’s 2 bucks, if you get the original Ryan Adams’ version AND the Mark Ronson remake. SO WORTH IT. Trust me.

P.S. I was also re-invigorated with New Order’s Love Vigilantes during my recent Banana discovery, too. Reminded me of my high-school friend (and prom date), Matt Vidmar. He owned and sported the classic Substance all-white t-shirt back in the day. I love the 80’s.

Filed by darby at 7:53 am under Arts, General, rants, raves
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Photo courtesy of Roujo

As I unloaded the last bit of our groceries onto the belt this morning, David prepared to pay as I got our bags together and helped collect our overpriced produce and organic goods. Moments before, I walked past this happy, upbeat young girl riding in the seat of one of those car slash grocery carts, smiling and sweet. When I looked at her and smiled, she beamed.

She and her mom, I suspect, were ahead of us in line, and I had come from the other end and jimmied myself past them and their many bags of groceries. When it came time for them to pay, the mom began to present a check, and the cashier informed her that “starter checks” were not accepted there. The mom asked if the woman knew anywhere that they were accepted, but the cashier said no. The mom went and collected her daughter from underneath the cart. The daughter, not knowing any better, started to push the cart away, seemingly excited for all of the goods inside. Except that they would be going home with nothing.

Breaking and debilitating emotions coursed through me, and I thought, “maybe she could write me the check and we could pay for her groceries.” Then the cashier asked her if she was coming back for her bagged cart full of groceries. The woman said, calmly, “this is all the money I have. This check. So no. I won’t be coming back for these groceries.” As she and her daughter quietly left the store, the staff began to dismantle her cart in order to get it back on the shelves for the next paying customer.

It was a rude awakening, and it made me truly sad. As we continued to bag our wine and cheese and chips and salsa, the whole thing seemed somewhat surreal. By the time David and I got to the car, I couldn’t stop thinking about it – the woman and her daughter and the idea of them going home without anything. He said that he also thought to pay for this woman’s groceries. So, what stopped us from acting? That answer is not an easy, nor quick one, to come by.

Partly, the fact that we feel pretty far removed from our community here definitely does not help us to act when our neighbors are in need. But more than that, it seems to be a sign of the times. Somewhere along the way, I, too, must have become infested with the apathy bug. And as white houses are stolen, wars are waged, and neighbors may not have enough available cash (if any at all) to feed their kids, I, simply, do not act.

The issue of this mom being legitimate or not isn’t relevant, in my mind. Once, today, I was given the opportunity to reach out and directly help somebody. Instead, I chose to do nothing. By doing nothing when given a glaring opportunity to do so, it is as good as not voting, blindly consuming, and not speaking out against injustices. All to remain seemingly “safe” in an apathetic, or at least, non-active, state.

This needs to change, and this message today brought it home, as hard as a bed of nails. No longer can I choose, every day, to pretend that I am not affected by what is happening in the world around me, merely because of the fact that David and I have the means -today – to pay for our groceries. One of these days, it very easily could be us. It has been me before, so I should know better.

Filed by darby at 9:24 pm under Politics, rants
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I was in Orlando last weekend, amidst the sea of childhood imaginations and restaurant row. I had a great time visiting with David’s parents, and while Orlando isn’t a place I would typically choose to visit, it is the half-way point between our homes, making it a fairly easy drive for both of us.

None of this has anything to do with Einstein, though. But cars everywhere with American flags ablaze next to airbrushed, roaring, larger-than-life Bald Eagles slapped onto the ENTIRE BACK WINDOW of a Chevy 2-ton truck made me think of good ol’ Albert Einstein. So did the one car with 12 American flags of varying sizes, just on its backside.

The reason Einstein comes to mind in the midst of this sea of flag waving is because of this quote:

“Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.”

Being appreciative for the fruits ones culture provides is one thing. I love this country, its natural wonders, its ingenuity, and the varying types of Dorito’s I have to choose from no matter where I find myself. I like that I can still basically say what I want, do what I want, and not be persecuted for either. I realize that is not true in many places, and am cognizant of the fact that I might not really even know how great I have it. At least for now…

Still, this idea of blind loyalty and adherence to ones natural born country seems idiotic and short sighted to me. Waving the flag denotes an approval of our most recent actions abroad and abhorrent behavior as a governing body. Our PEOPLE continue to amaze me in so many ways, but our government, which is symbolized – for me – by the flag, has too much egg on its face to garnish this gesture.

It also tends to instill a sort of suprioritysuperiority, too, and besides, ALL the freaky people make the beauty of the world…

Filed by darby at 6:27 pm under Politics, rants, travel
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I pick up the phone AT MY HOME, and say, “Hello. Hello? Hello?”

Only to be met with a recorded voice, telling me that THEIR TELEMARKETERS are all busy right now and to please hold the line.

Let me try and ingest this one more time. You call my home, unsolicited, make me run across the house to grab the phone, and you’re trying to sell me something, but when I pick up, you tell me to HOLD THE LINE?

This happens, by the way, at least three times a week. Not to mention the other unsolicited calls. Those poor people who have to actually MAKE those calls. Er, wait…computers and previously recorded messages make those calls. Oh.

Filed by darby at 10:52 am under rants
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Because I LOVE Countdown with Keith Olberman, I have been watching snippets of Matt Lauer’s interview with Debra LaFave that Countdown has been airing over the past couple of nights. Debra LaFave was 23 years old and the teacher of a 14 year old boy when she pled guilty to lewd and lascivious behaivor. She is currently serving a sentence of 3 years of house arrest. This is muddy water I am about to tread, but I’m game if you are.

Although the actions of LaFave were completely inappropriate and it is apparent that she isn’t the most evolved woman, the fact that she has been labeled a sex offender is a bit much. This is purely a double standard on my part, and if the teacher was a man and the student a girl, I would be ordering for the teacher’s mandatory counseling behind bars. But I can’t help it. It IS different. Here’s why.

Physiological differences, for one. The physiology of the entire sex act is inherently unique in both sexes. A woman would be hard pressed to rape or force a man to enter her, as the man would have to be erect. This is not to say women are not capable of rape, but let’s leave that warm and fuzzy topic for another day, shall we? So, if the student were a girl and the teacher an adult man, his physical ability to have sex under conditions in which the girl was not consentual is infinitely more likely than the opposite scenario in which LeFave found herself. Secondly, the mere fact that a young girl could become pregnant in this type of situation while the boy obviously can not makes an enormous difference in this situation, as in life itself. The line being crossed has more extreme consequences when an adult man pursues a girl.

And realizing this may be setting the feminist movement back some decades, a 14 year-old boy is raging with hormones and his sole purpose in life at any given moment is to convince someone, anyone, of the female persuasion to “give it up”. And while girls of the same age definitely have hormones and sexual appetites, it seems the reasons many act upon their sexual curiosities and interest has more to do with gaining acceptance by boys and falling under the category of desirable, rather than to positively explore their own sexuality and experience orgasm. I will be the one to say it because it seems everyone else is too busy grieving over this boy’s victim status, but I guarantee that this kid was absolutely overjoyed that his hot teacher was giving it up to him. And all of his friends wanted some, too.

All of that said, there, of course, are exceptions. Not ALL girls are sexual at a young age due to just wanting acceptance, and not all boys are walking sperms. The society in which we live promotes an incredibly unhealthy and oppressive image of sexuality, and it is no wonder that crossing the line and being sexually inappropriate is becoming more and more common.

Back in the day, way, WAY back, 14 year old boys used to learn about love and sex through skilled and masterful goddesses who were among the most revered and respected in the community, which ultimately led to a more sexually open and respectful community. This got all twisted up and power shifted, etc., etc., but that, my friends, is also a warm and fuzzy topic for another day.

Filed by darby at 1:04 pm under rants
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My first visit to Palmetto Bluff served up amazing views and good food, but it was mostly the opportunity to get behind those gates and see what the hell was going on behind them that enticed me. The extremely subtle signage and rumor that last year’s Oscar attendees received a weekend visit in their luxurious gift bags added even more interest. Finding out that Auberge Resorts was behind this Lowcountry treasure was icing on the cake. But the piece de resistance is this: Palmetto Bluff is a leader in sustainable and green building practices, as evidenced by their work with Southface and gracious hosting of the Lowcountry’s first Earth Craft House training seminar, which I had the pleasure of attending last Wednesday.

Let us start at the beginning. Palmetto Bluff is owned and developed by Crescent Resources, a division of Duke Energy. From the Palmetto Bluff website comes the vision of Crescent Resources’ philosophy:

By allowing the land to guide us rather then imposing a “developer template”, we have crafted a plan that respects its physical form — the topography, the wetlands, the diverse maritime forest and the miles of undulating marsh and river edge. This vision of Palmetto Bluff as a place, rather than a project, is a more challenging path. It requires that we remain authentic. That we un-learn much of what the last thirty-five years of development in this region has taught.

Palmetto Bluff is working to qualify each home in its community as an Earth Craft House. The philosophy behind the Earth Craft House is simple and feasible. The concept deals mostly with the process and materials used to build a home, creating a process that is efficient and smart, with the environment as its guide. Points are given within each major category in order to certify each home as an Earth Craft Home. The program is completely felxible and works with each builder to develop their “sustainibility quotient,” with Southface acting as a consultant with each build.

Common sense strategies are part of the point system, like having a central cutting site, which enables the builders to recycle perfectly useable wood throughout the project. More technical aspects, like the building envelope and correct and adequate ventilation, add not only to the homeowner’s improved indoor air quality, but a more efficient, and therefore more affordable, home.

One needn’t be purchasing in the exclusive enclaves of Palmetto Bluff to enjoy what is now the luxury of well-built, healthy homes, but it seems it takes these artisans of the building industry to take this painfully obvious next step within our built environment. Working against this natural progression towards a better and more profitable building process will force the cut and paste schlock of unconscious production builders to their inevitable extinction.

Filed by darby at 7:06 pm under Docu Potent, rants, raves
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Most of me wants to save my energy for more important matters, like breathing. This one, I can’t seem to shake, or allow to float on by with the rest of the atrocities in the river of outrage which I am nearly drowned by on a daily basis, thanks to the present administration our country has voted, er…allowed, into office.

Amnesty International has issued a report on U.S. “policy” in Guantanamo Bay and elsewhere, citing human rights abuses carried out by the United States and its military. Bush, Cheney, and the rest of the traveling circus have begun its smear campaign against one of the most respected human rights watch groups in the world. Respected so much that this same administration, who is presently denouncing the report as “absurd”, uses Amnesty reports to their advantage to further its own agenda against Cuba and China.

Worst of all, we accuse Amnesty of terrorist group affiliations. The neo-conservative Wall Street Journal stated that Amnesty’s latest accusations ”amount to pro-al Qaeda propaganda,” while the Bush/Cheney carnival infers that terrorists are using the agency as a means to spread their anti-American hate campaigns.

Are the people of this country truly going to snuggle up to this plate of bullshit like it is our Thanksgiving dinner, or our we collectively becoming suspect of an administration that outright lied to begin this war in the first place? Let me see…believe Amnesty International, an independent organization that has successfully worked to help human rights across the globe for over forty years, or the government that acts with an imperialistic psychology, which is presently at war, and is already guilty of atrocities at Abu Ghraib?

All I can do is laugh, but maybe what I need is a good, hard cry.

Filed by darby at 12:45 pm under Politics, rants
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CBS evening news reports tonight that space is running out at Arlington National Cemetery. The two-minute segment, brought to you as a Memorial Day feature, focused on the sacrifices made by our dead American soldiers, with high honors bestowed as lots of Arlington dirt.

The Seed of Human Race by Yangzi Sima

To me, the field of over 260,000 white crosses represent valuable lives lost due to lies told and perpetuated in order to benefit the rich and make them richer. We should be considering WHY our space is running out at our national cemetery reserved for slain soldiers, instead of where we will place them 20 years from now when they will not have the option to share this sacrosanct dirt.

When war was honorable, as in, the leaders of nations were on the frontlines with the masses – white or black, educated or disenfranchised – perhaps a ceremonial plot in which to lay our dead together as one had more meaning. If we care to honor our young men and women today, best to not honor them to death.

Filed by darby at 6:11 pm under rants
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I live in the Bible Belt. I imagine it to be a real fancy and outlandish belt, like one worn by a princess whose job it is to look pretty and be agreeable, always glistening like cut glass in tar.

I have been around Christian people my whole life; my grandmother was an Eastern Star woman, who wore a dove pin on her shoulder and open heart on her sleeve. She was a true example of a good Christian woman, leaving judgment in the hands of her creator and extending love to all, no matter their religion, sexual orientation, or alternate belief systems. The main lesson I learned from Grandma Rae was to refrain from judging others and to remain compassionate, no matter the situation. She has said to me more than once, “What would Jesus do?”

These are hard lessons, and maintaining compassion in the face of hatred is something I will probably never master, but I try. I am a hedonist, after all, as well as a buddhist, taoist, pagan, and agnostic, all at the same time and sometimes none of them at all. Mostly, I believe that every being deserves respect and dignity. However, I am finding it extremely difficult to extend this compassion and non-judgement to my closed-minded, Bible thumping brothers and sisters who are praising a system that wants to rid the world of anyone not like them.

Jesus IS just all right, but the present day Crusades our moronic administration is conducting has suddenly turned our Christian country into a swarm of obedient and mindless consumers of hate. And proud of it. I see stickers on more than half of the bumpers parked in every church lot from here to Charleston. Please explain to me the idea of war (an unjustified one, at that) in the name of Christianity. I know, I know…they have been married for thousands of years, but it is high time for a divorce.

I have always looked upon this Bible Belt from afar, like a mischievous gypsy observing those faraway lands in her crystal ball. Now, I am IN the crystal ball, and I want to help change the course of the future from hate to at least compassion. For EVERYBODY, including gay, Muslim, Jewish, and even unmarried fornicators like me.

With that said, I keep this quote in mind, by C.P. Snow, an English novelist and scientist:
“When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.”

Filed by darby at 2:01 pm under rants
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Magnetic yellow ribbons don the back of a high percentage of cars in my new neighborhood, along with “W” stickers. I am being told to support the troops and that I am a traitor if I don’t. I have been called worse.

The last time I can recall ANY dialogue regarding each soldier’s responsibility in perpetuating war was in the 8th grade while reading Richard Bach. I recall him speaking of personal responsibility and consequence, even in times of war. Of each human being having an obligation to make choices based on their personal belief system. That murder is not suddenly nor easily rationalized by claiming one country’s morality over another’s. That was over 20 years ago, and I am hard pressed for any new honest and critical thought regarding each soldier’s responsibility and hand in war.

Please understand. I feel great sadness and compassion for the group of soldiers who are having to fight our War of Greed. I abhor the exploitation of each soldier. I wish for them to come home to their families and live a life without having to murder on behalf of the state. I wish for our war veterans to try and explain to these soldiers how their lives have been bettered by their agreement to kill for the state. To explain to us all how this war is defending our country and democracy itself. It is not. I support the five-thousand soldiers who are reportedly AWOL, and am not puzzled by their decision.

I myself forget that we are at war. I am sure the families of slain soldiers do not forget. Our access to the realities of everyday killing and death are clouded by our administration’s ability to act as if we have spread democracy across the land like some peach preserves across needy toast. Why are we at war? Who will benefit the most from this war? Not the soldiers or their loved ones.

Some things, I suppose, are worth killing for. Fattening the coffers of a select and despicable minority is not one of them.

Filed by darby at 10:53 am under Politics, rants
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Welcome to March 9th, 2005 or the Official Dan Rather resignation day. Every time I turn the channel, new commentary appears regarding Dan Rather stepping down from his anchor position at CBS. I am about as interested in Dan Rather’s career as I am in who wins the next American Idol. What DOES interest me, however, is the coverage.

The memo which seemed to be an official document condemning Bush’s military service record which Rather used in a 60 Minutes report was a fake. Definitely something to scrutinize. What baffles me, though, is that NOBODY in the mainstream media ever thinks to discuss the actual subject of the report – Bush’s military service record. We all know he evaded his responsibility to show up for an entire year of active guard duty. I don’t think anyone can successfully deny that. (If your daddy was pres’dint and former director of the CIA, wouldn’t you be doing blow and drinking at Camp David instead of reporting for duty, as well?)

The fact that the Bush administration is so damn good at the media control game is what has me looking for land in New Zealand. They have been successful into turning Dubya’s spotty record into maligning Dan Rather’s entire career.

Dan Rather put it best when speaking about his biggest concern:
“That the American press as a whole will succumb to the undertow to be more docile, in some cases obsequious . . . to move in the middle, settle for mediocrity — one, in exchange for access, and two, out of fear that you’d be called a bad name, unpatriotic, or radical right or liberal. What I’m talking about here is the increasing danger of being intimidated.”

Filed by darby at 10:44 am under Politics, rants
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Hey Smoove,

I don’t mean to make this public, but you think you know me. You don’t know me, Smoove B. First, you want to sex me wild, but baby, it’s gonna take more than 100% silk sheets from the farthest reaches of China and leopard print tightie whities to do it. You want to cook me succulent lobsters…ahh, smoove. Them shits were frozen packed and I saw you shake off the ice freeze. Then you serve juice, while you know my diabetes don’t allow for such glucose, especially at that hour.

Did you even know I had adult onset diabetes. (Also known as Diabetes II)
I did not think so, Smoove.

As you act like you tend to my needs, while you do indeed hit me doggy-style, have you ever heard of the Clitoris, Smoove? And Keith Sweat…for real? Naw, Smoove. Naw. I am talkin’ Marvin, or D’Angelo, or better yet, Sade. I would hope that your sensitivities would allow for you to imagine putting on the sensual and exotic rhythm of a woman like Sade, but I believe you are a product of this patriarchy as much as I am.

I will say, though, I did very much enjoy the placing of both white and purple grapes into my luscious mouth.

Smoove, the IDEA of riding the caravan of love with you to Atlantis SOUNDS good, but you’re broken down ride is all I envision when you speak of such things. You wish to sting; to smoove me. I wish for you to get a new ride, buy some good CD’s, and learn about MY man in the boat, which is the ONLY thing takin’ us to Atlantis.

Filed by darby at 12:12 pm under rants
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